How do I begin to describe my early years? I can only find words that describe a simple feeling of warmth, compassion and fun. When I think of my early years, I can only remember ‘a feeling’ as opposed a distinct bank of memories… I guess you could say it all intertwines in to a block of enjoyment and outright ‘sound mind’. Everything was just ok… it wasn’t even anything, it just was.
Being a child certainly fuelled my passion for performance. It is ingrained, I just don’t remember a time when I wasn’t performing, either as an athlete or on my own stage. I didn’t just gain joy from it as my life was joyful as it was, I gained acceptance, a place in the world, ‘the future star’. Being a child however did not fuel my passion for songwriting; it is what came after my childhood that did. As a direct result of my early years, however, I was given the opportunity to form shaped opinions and feelings about the world from the perspective of someone who had it all, no reason to be angry, scared or misplaced.
It would be fair to say I lived a sheltered life way in to my early teens. I didn’t have to have a reason to do anything, if I wanted to do it I would unless I wasn’t allowed. I always knew this was for my own good. This led me in to my adult life focussing on things that made me happy, regardless of what anyone else may think. As I developed however I began to realise that this wasn’t the usual path. I realised that at some point I should have noticed differences in myself and either changed them or rebelled. I hadn’t experienced either of these, I was just me, simple. Questioning this thought lead me down a path of wanting to feel more ‘like everyone else’ however in my performance fuelled way, that wasn’t enough. I had to be better, to be smarter, to be thinner, to be perfect.
The time between then and (to some extent) now served a separate role in my journey. It was then that I began to write music. I wrote ‘The Quiet Kind’ as an expression, not of being a quiet person, but of the inner part of me that formed in these years, a fear of the outside, anything that I wasn’t sheltered from as a child. ‘The Quiet Kind’ is an E.P. of songs that express naivety, a struggle to understand that things change, a black hole in the tunnel to comfort in life. It is not all so dark though, it also gives voice to feelings of first love, seeking of freedom and family values. For a long time this E.P. reminded me of a fearful time however as the light naturally switched on in my brain, I listen to my songs from this time and just hear part of my journey. I realise that I am only part way through an evolving life and that any time things can be different.