The City

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a dreamer. My whole life I have dreamt of a life in the ‘big city’. A life that I glamourize in my mind and have previously believed to be out of reach. I am a home bird. I find comfort in security and crave family life and connection. I have talked about the contradiction between my outer personality and my inner most thoughts many times in this blog; I reference being an extroverted introvert. This oxymoron is prevalent in my life and has, in a lot of ways, has held me back. Difficulty stepping out of my comfort zone keeps me stuck in a circle of continuous instant gratification, although seemingly and instantaneously beneficial to me, the benefit wears off within time and makes me crave more. 

Like a yo-yo dieter; I have often craved the ‘quick fix’; the method that brings me the most, in the shortest amount of time, with the least amount of discomfort. It is easy to frequent the comfort zone and find enjoyment in ways that have always served me well however this prevents me from diving deeper. I believe that I have only scratched the surface of truly changing lives through my music.

‘The City’ is a song about my desire to delve deeper below the surface in to a territory that I have never been before. ‘The City’ represents what surrounds my comfort zone and beyond.

‘The city sings to me at night, behind the waves of pretty lights, you made your mark on me’

This lyric references times in which I have as much as stepped slightly out of my comfort zone and discovered fragments of what I have only ever imagined. These memories always resonate in my mind as being extremely difficult yet undeniably rewarding.  

‘I have been longing for the day, you’ll take me outside of this place, it’s just a part of me, a pretty part of me’

This lyric touches on the side of my personality that is drawn to discomfort, although only small, this character trait is ‘pretty’ and manipulative to my introverted self. I talked about this in my write up of the EP ‘The Quiet Kind’. It mentions how my need for acceptance is a tool I was ascribed at birth to push my own boundaries. I guess we can draw similarities to a devil and angel here, although in a slightly different context. It paints a picture of a shy person wishing that their inner confidence will take over and subjugate fear.

‘My eyes are open now to you, the cars don’t pass me by’

Interestingly these lyrics mean something different to me now then they did when I wrote this song. When written, this section of the song referenced the callings of the city as being false and a juxtaposition of what it offered on the outside. At the time I had visited many city based open mic nights and I had never been overly impressed with its return on investment. I often left disappointed with having waited hours to play 2 songs, through poor sound equipment, and to a seemingly unwilling audience. On reflection I can see why I left underwhelmed; I had never really pushed myself to interact, to engage and honestly to just be myself. 

‘You’ll soon be open to the truth’

Whilst before this lyric referenced ‘The City’ as being false, now it references how my lesson is learned. I am now open to the truth, a truth I only found with time. Life is a journey that we are all on.

There are not many lyrics in this song however the track itself serves as its own lyric and forms it’s own message. The track picks up and forms a rhythm representing a busy city. Imagine driving through a busy city late at night, the lights passing you by and creating streams of blurring imagery. This was composed to create a feeling of freedom. The sudden change in tempo back to a slow, almost still beat, represents the reality of ‘The City’ sinking in for myself. 

‘But don’t leave me so high on silent times; and don’t forget I’m just The Quiet Kind’

The lyric here during this slow section represents the times that you remember you are anxious and that you shouldn’t feel free, inhibitions take over and you remember to draw back in to yourself.  It is here that these aforementioned lyrics form truth in the ways in which I now explore differently.

The track ends on the lyric ‘The City’ ringing out in the background, representing how ‘The City’ still always calls me, enticing me. Perhaps my new-found reality will lead me back there.

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